Funny story.
I was in my office yesterday and had a little black rain cloud form in my nose. It thundered and lightening and hit my sinuses and I started to cry. For no discernible reason. Not the big, sobby Titanic or The Notebook tears, just basic rain on a window tears. They just fell from each eye like they were in a race, hung at the base of my double chin and dared the other to splash onto my desk. For no reason.
All you crackhead runners go on and on about happy hormones and how a good run acts as a wiper for any bad mood windshield. So I go to my second aerobics class of the day. The one where I usually joke with the instructor about her extensive headband collection. She took my number and cocked her head to the left “Are you OK? You seem….stressed.” To which I responded with another set of big tears and quick jog to the equipment room.
After class, my iPod decided to cheer me up by playing every sad song on my Cooldown playlist. I now know just how far I can get into No One (Alicia Keys), That’s The Way It Is (Celine Dion), and You And I Both (Jason Mraz) before I start crying. Effing iPod. Nothing freaks a busload of strangers the fuck out as much as someone who is crying for no reason, so I pull a Jackie O and put my sunglasses on. At 7 o’clock at night. In my gym clothes. That wasn’t even cute. But a little Break Stuff (Limp Bizkit), Crawling (Linkin Park), Shiver (Maroon 5), and Enter Sandman (Metallica) does a weeping body good. Or at least stops people from moving to the back of the bus to get away from you.
DVR is in cahoots with my hormones. The Mentalist just HAD to go there with Jane’s family. Oprah HAD to have that giant kid who can’t afford clothes. Fast forward through The View because, really?, I just cried over Mike Huckabee?
And there are no chocolate chip cookies in the house?
And The Hubster is working late?
And I didn’t clean the shower so I don’t want to take a bath?
And my clothes are still in the dryer from Sunday?
And the cats are loving all over me because they know something’s wrong? (or they want to be fed)
And why can’t I just grow a penis so this shit doesn’t ever happen??
